1001GreatComebacksToPeerPressure

The First 100+:

“Sorry, I prefer my highs to be legal and my lows to be nonexistent.”
“I’d rather keep my brain cells intact, thanks.”
“I’m allergic to stupidity, so I’ll pass on the drugs.”
“I’ll stick to natural highs, like laughter and chocolate.”
“My life’s exciting enough without adding substances to the mix.”
“I’m saving my liver for better things than filtering toxins.”
“I’m allergic to handcuffs and regret.”
“I’ve got enough drama in my life without inviting addiction to the party.”
“I prefer to be the captain of my own ship, not a passenger on someone else’s high.”
“Why ruin my potential with something that’ll just leave me on the floor?”
“I don’t need a crutch to stand tall in life.”
“I’m investing in my future, not in a dealer’s pocket.”
“I’m too busy building my dreams to let drugs tear them down.”
“I’d rather be a trendsetter than a follower of bad decisions.”
“I’m allergic to disappointment, and drugs seem to have a 100% side effect rate.”
“I’d rather be known for my wit than for my tolerance to substances.”
“Sorry, I don’t take shortcuts to happiness.”
“I’ve got enough thrill in life without risking it all on a high.”
“My brain’s already on overdrive; don’t need to overclock it with drugs.”
“My body’s a temple, not a chemistry lab.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical cocktails; I prefer to mix my own drinks.”
“Why smoke away my potential when I could be lighting up my ambitions?”
“I’m allergic to peer pressure; it gives me hives.”
“I don’t need a haze to see life clearly.”
“I’m not interested in being the star of a cautionary tale.”
“I’ve got too much love for my future to poison it with drugs.”
“I’ve got a natural high called self-respect; it’s quite addictive.”
“Sorry, I’m not auditioning for a role in ‘Breaking Bad: High School Edition.'”
“I’ll pass on the temporary escape; I’m busy building a lasting legacy.”
“My dreams are too big to fit in a smoke cloud.”
“I’ve got too many ambitions to waste time chasing a buzz.”
“I’m too busy being awesome to need a crutch.”
“My future’s too bright to be dimmed by drugs.”
“I prefer to get high on life, not substances.”
“I’m allergic to bad decisions, and drugs seem to be full of them.”
“I’ll stick to natural remedies, like laughter and good company.”
“I’m not interested in playing Russian roulette with my health.”
“Sorry, I don’t need a chemical romance to feel alive.”
“I’m too busy building my empire to risk it all on a joint.”
“I’d rather be sober and in control than high and clueless.”
“I’ll pass on the smoke; I’ve got bigger mountains to climb.”
“I’m too busy crafting my destiny to waste time on drugs.”
“My happiness isn’t found at the bottom of a pill bottle.”
“I’m allergic to the consequences, not just the substances.”
“I’m too busy writing my success story to let drugs hold the pen.”
“I’ll pass on the haze; I prefer clarity.”
“I’m too invested in my future to gamble it away on drugs.”
“I don’t need artificial highs to feel alive.”
“Sorry, I don’t need a shortcut to happiness.”
“I’ve got too much respect for myself to pollute my body with drugs.”
“I’m too busy chasing dreams to chase a high.”
“I’d rather be remembered for my achievements than my drug tolerance.”
“I’ll pass on the pill; I’ve got a prescription for success.”
“I’ve got too much love for life to poison it with drugs.”
“I’m too busy hustling for my goals to waste time on a trip.”
“Sorry, I’m allergic to peer pressure; it makes me break out in ambition.”
“I’m not interested in being the punchline of a cautionary tale.”
“I’ve got too much self-respect to lose to drugs.”
“I’ll stick to the natural highs, like achieving my goals.”
“I’m too busy being fabulous to need substances to feel good.”

“I’m allergic to losing control; it gives me hives.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical circus; I prefer to be the ringmaster of my life.”
“I’m too invested in my future to gamble it away on drugs.”
“Sorry, I’ve already got a full-time job; it’s called staying sober.”
“I’d rather be known for my accomplishments than my drug tolerance.”
“I’m not interested in renting out my brain cells to a substance.”
“I’ll stick to chasing dreams, not highs.”
“I’ve got too much ambition to waste it on a joint.”
“I’ll pass on the smoke signal; I’m busy charting my own course.”
“I’ve got too much self-respect to trade it for a fleeting high.”
“I’m allergic to bad decisions, and drugs are a sneeze waiting to happen.”
“I don’t need a potion to feel like a superhero; I’ve got confidence.”
“Sorry, I don’t need a pick-me-up; I’m already soaring.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical sunset; I prefer natural beauty.”
“I’m too busy sculpting my masterpiece to be distracted by drugs.”
“I’ll stick to chasing dreams, not substances.”
“I’ve got too much pride to let drugs bring me down.”
“I’m allergic to disappointment, and drugs seem to be a recipe for it.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical cocktail; I prefer my drinks without side effects.”
“I don’t need a crutch to stand tall; I’ve got confidence in spades.”
“I’m too busy living my best life to mess it up with drugs.”
“I’ll pass on the mood enhancer; I’ve already got a zest for life.”
“I’m allergic to toxic relationships, including the one with drugs.”
“I’ll stick to natural highs; they come without a hangover.”
“I’m too busy being fabulous to need a substance to feel good.”
“Sorry, I’m too smart to fall for the old ‘just try it’ routine.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical cloud; I prefer to keep my head clear.”
“I’ve got too much love for myself to poison my body with drugs.”
“I’m too busy making memories to risk losing them to drugs.”
“I’ll stick to chasing my dreams, not a temporary high.”
“I don’t need a smoke screen to hide behind; I’m comfortable being myself.”
“Sorry, I’ve already got a full schedule of awesomeness planned.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical rollercoaster; life’s thrilling enough as it is.”
“I’m allergic to bad vibes, and drugs seem to attract them.”
“I’ve got too much respect for my body to fill it with toxins.”
“I’ll stick to the natural buzz of achievement; it’s much sweeter.”
“Sorry, I’m too busy building my empire to settle for a temporary high.”
“I’ll pass on the chemical illusion; I prefer reality.”
“I’m allergic to peer pressure; it brings out my inner rebel.”
“I’ll stick to being the architect of my destiny, not a victim of circumstance.”
“Oh, look, the drug dealer of the century. Too bad your career prospects are limited to this hallway.”
“Congratulations on becoming the poster child for bad life choices. You must be so proud.”
“Wow, you must be a real go-getter, pushing substances like it’s your job. Oh wait, it is your job, isn’t it?”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass on the offer to ruin my life. Maybe you should consider a career change to something less destructive.”
“You must be the local expert on destroying futures. Impressive resume you’ve got there.”
“Oh, how kind of you to offer me a one-way ticket to Loserville. Hard pass, though.”
“Let me guess, failed chemistry major turned amateur pharmacist?”
“You’re like the Santa Claus of stupidity, handing out bad decisions instead of gifts.”
“Thanks, but I prefer to keep my brain cells intact. Can’t say the same for yours, though.”
“Do you have a diploma in dumb decisions, or did you just wing it?”
“Ah, the neighborhood drug pusher, spreading joy and addiction one pill at a time. You must be so popular.”
“You’re like a walking advertisement for the D.A.R.E. program’s failure.”
“So generous of you to offer me a shortcut to failure. I’ll pass, thanks.”
“Wow, you’re like the Robin Hood of self-destruction, stealing potential and giving out regrets.”
“You should put ‘Professional Life Ruiner’ on your resume. You seem to excel at it.”
“Thanks, but I’d rather not take career advice from someone whose peak achievement is dealing drugs in high school.”
“Ah, the local purveyor of poor life choices. Do you offer a money-back guarantee on wasted potential?”
“You’re like the Pied Piper of mediocrity, leading others down the path of regret with your charming little baggies.”
“Sorry, I don’t take life advice from someone who thinks drugs are a personality trait.”
“You’re like a walking cautionary tale, but with worse fashion sense.”
“You’re about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face. Maybe try a different approach to making friends.”
“Thanks, but I prefer to surround myself with people who have goals beyond getting high.”
“Ah, the resident expert on bad choices. How’s that working out for you?”
“You must have ‘misguided influencer’ listed as a special skill on your resume.”
“Sorry, I’ve already met my quota for terrible life decisions today. Can’t squeeze in another one, thanks.”

For women (aimed at guys):

“Sorry, but I’m more interested in impressing someone with substance, not substances.”
“I prefer someone who can offer stimulating conversation, not just a hit of something.”
“Real men don’t need to rely on drugs to impress a lady.”
“I’m looking for someone who’s high on life, not high on drugs.”
“I’m attracted to ambition, not addiction.”
“I’d rather be with someone who’s got their priorities straight, not someone who’s constantly chasing a high.”
“I’m more into guys who can handle life’s challenges without resorting to numbing themselves.”
“Sorry, but I’m not interested in being part of your ‘rehabilitation project.'”
“I prefer to be with someone who respects themselves enough to say no to drugs.”
“I’m attracted to someone who’s got their future planned out, not someone who’s living for the moment.”

For men (aimed at women):

“I’m too busy building my empire to waste time and money on drugs.”
“Sorry, but I’m not interested in being someone’s financial bailout plan.”
“I prefer to invest in assets, not liabilities.”
“I’d rather be wealthy in mind and spirit than rich in regrets.”
“I’m more attracted to someone who values financial stability over instant gratification.”
“I’m saving my money for experiences that actually enrich my life, not for substances that drain my bank account.”
“I’m not interested in financing someone else’s bad habits.”
“I prefer to surround myself with people who are financially responsible and forward-thinking.”
“Sorry, but I’m not interested in funding someone’s downward spiral.”
“I’d rather be with someone who’s financially independent and self-sufficient.”

Now, for the responses aimed at asserting your financial superiority:

“I’ll pass on the drugs; I prefer to invest my money in assets that appreciate, not substances that depreciate.”
“I’m too busy building my empire to waste time and money on temporary highs.”
“Sorry, but I’m not interested in being part of your financial downfall.”
“I prefer to keep my head clear and my wallet fat. Can’t say the same for you.”
“I’d rather be the one with money in the bank than the one chasing a fleeting high.”
“I’ll stick to smart investments; they have a much higher ROI than drugs.”
“I’m too focused on building wealth to waste it on substances that lead to poverty.”
“I prefer to be the one with financial stability, not the one begging for handouts.”
“I’ll pass on the drugs; I’m too busy building generational wealth.”
“Sorry, but I’m not interested in being dragged down by someone else’s financial irresponsibility.”

WHY YOU NEED THIS BOOK:

This book is raw, but it’s right. If you’re a Christian, you may feel you need some “Biblical”

backing to proceed with using this book. Refer to the reference section at the end for all the

backing you need. Here are two back to back from Proverbs to get you started:

PR 26:4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,

or you will be like him yourself.

PR 26:5 Answer a fool according to his folly,

or he will be wise in his own eyes.

If you’re a heathen little hottie that is attracting too much of the wrong attention, use this verbal

set of slaps in the face to tell unwelcome advancers to back off…in a controlled, stylish, nasty

kinda way!

If you’re a nerd, KEEP this book- you need it, pal. You’ll get cool in a hurry if you use it. And if

you’re cool, you can always get cooler. Like working on your delivery. These are prepared lines

that will flow off your tongue like a seasoned actor in a movie. Only the stakes aren’t just for

quality entertainment. It’s YOUR FLIPPIN’ LIFE mi amigo, we’re talking about protecting.

If you’re a parent- WAKE UP! The “Game” for your kid’s soul has escalated- and I don’t need to

tell you how “unfair” your opponent is.

And if you’re all set with avoiding the onslaught of shots at your soul, go back to the “fail proof”

just say no. Yea, right. But don’t blame me if you get laughed at, or worse, take that bite out of

temptation that lands you in a heap of trouble. You need stats on that? Buy another book. Or

Google it. Word on the street is…it’s rough out there!

Success is when PREPARTION meets opportunity. “When opportunity alone comes”, said the

great John Wooden, “It’s too late”. And don’t settle for letting some bozo try to ruin your life AND

keep the upper hand. NO no no. Uh uh. . You take back control. YOU look like the smart one.

You must be smart if you read this far already.

So let’s be as “Wise as a serpents” in order to be “Innocent as Doves”. Guilt is the #1 emotion

people will do anything to avoid. So let’s do that preventatively…eh? I’ll see you in the winner’s

circle my cool friend…or not. Let’s do this…but first, a joke”

Peer Pressure

Two guys are sitting in a bar drinking beer at the top of the Empire State

building when one turns to the other and says “You know last week I

discovered that if you jump from the top of this building by the time you

fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that

they will carry you around the building and into the window”; The bartender

just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The 2nd man says

What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen. The first man

claims No It’ss True. Let me prove it to you. So he get’s up from the bar,

jumps from the balcony and careens to the street below.

When he passes the 10th floor, the high winds whip him around the building

and into a back window on the 10th floor. He then takes the elevator back up

to the bar. The 2nd man claims: “You know I saw that with my own eyes, but I

still don’t believe it. It must be a fluke.”; The 1st man says: “No I will

prove it to you again.”; So once again he jumped from the top of the

building, hurling himself toward the street. Then at the 10th floor, the

winds gently carried him around the building into an open window. Once

upstairs, he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

So the 2nd man says: “What the hell! I know it works, it could be fun.”

So he throws himself over the balcony and plunges downward towards the

street. He passes the 12th floor, then the 11th,10th 9th 8th, and hits the

sidewalk with a SPLAT!! Upstairs, the bartender turns to the 1st man and

says: “You know Superman, you’re a real jerk sometimes.”

Categories:

Drugs

Alcohol

Sex

Cheating

Lying

Stealing

Bad Attitudes

Things you suspect are wrong

Meanness

Laziness

Disobeying Parents

Lack of cooler Clothes

Lack of Cooler Car

Lack of Cooler friends

Lack of money

Embarrassing Parents

Embarrassing Siblings

Forgetting Stuff

Lack of Good Grades

Lack of Athletic Ability

Receiving Bad Advice

Wrong Music

Bullying

1. Is your name Clarence? I get confused because there seems to be a clearance on your

advice- cause, like, smart people aint buyin’ it.

2. Is that legal? Umm, I’m not County Judge but I’m pretty sure that’s unlawful.

3. Love alcohol. Keeps the repeat DUIers off the road so I can like, LIVE to drive home.

4. Well, they don’t call it dope cause it makes you smart- am I missing something here?

5. Sex alone isn’t enough for me. I want that nasty, sweaty, body slapping sex that comes from a

spouse who knows I saved myself for her. (Or him).

6. Gee- I know cigarettes are cool, but how am I gonna run for President when I’m like, dead?

7. I can’t give you my notes (to cheat) because it’s my personal policy not to enable losers who

are too lazy to do it themselves.

8. Wow. I had no idea chicks would dig me more if I could throw up, stagger around, and mumble.

9. I’ve been rich and I’ve been drunk. I’d rather be rich.

10. I’ve been rich and I’ve been stoned. I’d rather be rich.

11. I’ll bet you coulda made the team. I’ll bet ya shoulda studied. I’ll bet you woulda been on time

if you had your act together. I know these people. Coulda, Shoulda, and Woulda. Their daddy is

Mr. “Didn’t” and their mommy is “Never Will”. Thanks- I’ll pass.

12. I pass on grass…all the time. (Quote from “Meet the Parents”)

13. My parents drug test…AND keep giving the car keys!!!! I’d rather keep driving.

14. Sex? If I wanted it, it’s certainly cheaper to buy it than doling out $200 for the dance. No, I’m

not lacking sex because I can’t get it. THANK you…

15. I’d love to drink, but I don’t have Wednesdays open for the rest of my life to meet with 12 Step

groups.

16. What your offering is good. And what I have is better…a future.

17. It’s not that I don’t want to get laid, (drunk), or (high.) It’s that I want respect more…something I’m lacking a bit of at the moment for you.

18. How about NOOOOOOOO. (From Austin Powers).

19. C’mon- you’re better than that. But if your self esteem can’t hold up- watch mine. Doin just

fine, thanks.

20. It’s not that I don’t like getting offered a chance to ruin my life…but I’m just starting it- aight?

21. I got a better idea. Let’s set ourselves on fire to protest the hours we have to put in at school.

22. Yo mama is so stupid because she’s unaware of how you’re pissing away your life.

23. Were you dropped when you were born?

24. Please, go take your “great idea” to someone dumb enough to follow it.

25. Hey, Billy Graham himself said “If you don’t think sin is fun, you’re not committing the right

sins”. HE also won the congressional Gold Medal. Sound like you’re committing many of the

“Right ones”.

26. Uh, yea, something better came up- like anything other than your stupid idea.

27. Are we good? Or do I need to sick my lawyer on your pathetic butt?

28. Hey, when you get to the pen for selling that stuff, I have a cousin I’d like you to look up- can

you do that for me?

29. Listen, when you bite from driving drunk, how long do I have to wait to hit on your grieving

girlfriend?

30. WoooW! Sounds like you’re going to be a daddy soon! Can I be the Godfather?

31. Wait a second…are you 21?

32. Gee…my parents said don’t do that…at the wake of a drunk driver.

33. Don’t hate me because I’m smarter than you for not doing that.

34. Listen, someday I may hire you. But I’m going to have to insist ion a drug test then, cause

like, ya know, you’re a stoner now.

35. People like you doing stupid things make it easy for people like me to appear smart.

36. Tap on your finger like’s it’s a microphone. Say “Is this working? How about no?”

37. Are you talking to me? FORGET it.

38. Why do you keep pressuring me when I’ve said NO?

39. Back off!

40. I don’t feel like it—do you have any soda?

41. Nah. That stuff slows your reaction time. And I really don't need to wrap my car around a tree.

42. Nah, My mom has better senses than a drug-sniffing dog.

43. No thanks, if I wanted some I would have asked for it.

44. Nah, she’ll think I’m an idiot if I’m high and stumbling over my words.

45. No thanks. I’m just gonna study a bit longer.

46. No way, that’s just an expensive bag of cancer.

47. Stealing is so shady. If I got caught, I’d never get a job in any of those stores — they do

background checks

48. No, thanks – I’m not into that. Besides, there are tons of people in here to hang with.

49. No thanks. I’d actually like to remember my birthday.

51. What part about “No thanks” don’t you get? Do I need to talk slower?

52. Listen, my old man taught me to never be a pussy. I doubt standing up to you even qualifies,

but my answer is still no.

53. I’m high alright…on life, my success, and my prospects. Judging by your prospects, you best

keep smoking, They ain’t lookin’ so good.

54. I’ll let you know when I care what you think of me. Don’t wait up.

55. I’ll indicate what In think is cool by saying “Wow, that’s cool.” Now get out of my face.

56. Another piece of the puzzle has fallen into place about you.

57. I’m thinking of a word. It starts with “N” and ends with “Oh”. Any guesses?

58. Look- My self confidence is just a little past your idiot idea- Okaaay?

59. I’m not saying you’re an idiot for asking me to do that. Then again I’m not saying you’re not.

60. Is your parole officer OK with that?

61. Peace homie. I’m into lower insurance rates, cause like, I pay my own way. Is sugar daddy

gonna be there for you in your 30s? I hear chick REALLY dig that.

62. Oh I thought about it. Then I thought “Why be an idiot?”

63. I keep hearing more. More on Alcohol, more on drugs, more on sex. No offense, but you’re a

MORON.

64. Will you name your baby after me?

65. Now when you get your eventual abortion and Jake refuses to pay, who do you blame when

you’re feeling guilty about MURDER?

66. I’m pro-choice. I choose to avid making that loser choice.

67. I can put my foot in my mouth, and shoot myself in the foot, but I can’t do both at the same

time.”

68. How did you get to be so infuriating ?

69. Thanks- but I prefer my eggs unfertilized.

70. How about never? Is never good for you?

71. I’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

72. Ahhh… I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

73. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

74. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

75. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

76. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

77. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

78. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of it.

79. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

80. No, my powers can only be used for good.

81. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

82. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

83. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

84. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

85. That means nothing to me.

86. OK! I admit it! You’re better than me – later!

87. Hey – a real-life bully.

88. This is really wrong.

89. You get an A in bullying. Mom and Dad must be so proud.

90. Done now?

91. Look, I don’t care what everyone else says- I don’t think you’re a total loser but you may want

to tone it down a notch on the drinking. And no, it’s not for me.

92. You’re bootiful but you aint got no bwains.

93. Who writes your material?

94. Who’s paying you? Whatever it is I’ll double it when I start my company, but you must first get off the drugs.

95. I know a beautiful woman who digs guys who are successful and drug free. So like, I’m going

to be successful and drug free. Get it?

96. I took you for a smart person. It’s only the second time I’ve been wrong this year.

97. If you worked as hard at something legitimate, you’d be successful.

98. Good idea! NOT.

99. Tell ya what. NO!

100. Oh, I’m into that. But its lower on the priority scale. Right behind getting syphilis, gonorrhea,

aids, and lung cancer, and a liver transplant.

101. What a nice gesture to offer…an enemy!

102 When someone asks you to drink, tell ’em you don’t look good in a lampshade (and smile).

103 When someone tries to force sex, tell ’em your dad is a Green Beret and trains Dobermans for a living.

104 When I wear a white dress, I’ll deserve it- I’m not giving up that right to you. White being a color that I deserve….because we are waiting, our marriage will be blessed.

105 It is much more difficult to believe that someone truly loves you when he or she

passes you an STD, instead of virginity, as a wedding gift!

106 This page is dedicated to those who are committed to premarital sexual abstinence and to maintain sexual purity. Most of the materials presented here are taken from variety of resources such as books, the

Internet, and other people’s experiences. Please keep in mind that the information on this page is neither exhaustive nor complete. I just hope that it provides enough information about the positive sides of abstaining from sexual relationship until marriage.

107 Benefits of Abstinence

1. Clear conscience with God.

2. Peace of mind in your life and future relationships, and marriage.

3. More self-respect and more respect for each other1 and respected by other people.

4. Always remember, in a healthy relationship, respect precedes love.2 And premarital sex only

throws away your self respect and your partner’s.

5. You enter marriage with a more positive outlook and without carrying emotional baggage.

6. Personal freedom for both of you and your (future) marriage partner.

7. Significantly better chance in having more satisfying and more stable marriage.

8. Longer lasting relationship. Premarital sex surprisingly breaks up more dating couples than any

other factor.

9. No comparing or being compared sexually in marriage. It also means "being free to enjoy

maximum sex, maximum leisure, maximum satisfaction, and maximum liberty, in the way God

intended that is in the covenant of marriage.

10. No worries about pregnancy and STDs.

11. Less worries about bad reputation.

12. It’s a fact that persons and couples who have premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well.

13. Premarital sex often fools a person into marrying someone who really isn’t right for them.

14. You don’t have to put yourself under someone else’s mercy not to reject you. It’s still a fact, that the more “experienced” guys and girls are generally less desirable and less respected as dating or marriage partners.

15. Realize there is a 98 percent chance you will never marry the person you date in high school, so it is always better to keep yourself pure for the right person, that is your future wife or husband.

HEY MAN DO YOU WANNA GET HIGH?

You’ve been skydiving before?!

No, I’m afraid of heights.

No, ever since 9/11 I can’t get on a plane.

Yes, do you have a trampoline?

No thanks, my 12 step group wouldn’t approve.

I don’t want kids with birth defects

I thought marijuana was a stimulant.

My dad told me about people like you…suckas!

only for medicinal purposes.

is this a trick question?

do i look like a retard?

i smoke fools like you on the basketball court

no I’m stupid enough as it is…but you might pass me up if you keep that up

do i want to choke my throat with smoke from dope? nope, with that i can’t

cope because I follow the pope.

even as a science major i don’t believe in experimentation

should i turn and run like a baby now? or just say no.

would you still like me if i didn’t?

man you are trippin!

i’m a cop and you’re under arrest…dude you shoulda seen the look on your face.

why? (leave them speechless or….)

munchies= i already ate

geek out= your funny lookin already

ohhhh wait ohh wait…i knew this moment will come..are you ready?…here i

go!—–NO!!! YES I DID IT!!!! ahhhhh goes the crowd as i calmly step away from the peer

pressure unscathed and ready for more!!

your are what you smoke: a dope

pots? no i have enough already

weeds? no i have enough already

do i have to inhale?

what so i can sit around and beg someone to the point of paying them to get

me some freakin curly fries?

it’s not in my budget.

yeah i got a lot of money in the weed market…stock never goes up.

yeah sure!!! PSYCHE!!

even if i was a quadrapalegic i would still feel pity on retards like you.

GET BENT!

NICE LIFE BUDDY! SEE YA IN HELL!

They say the average human only uses 10% of their brain but it sounds like

you’re not using close to that amount!

Hold on, I have to call my mom to ask first.

You know that stuff is packed in bricks with cow shit right?

No I don’t like to get down….syndrome!

You got clear eyes? yes. munchies? yes. some really good weed? yes. yeah

the answer is still no.

COME ON EVERYONE’S DOING IT

hahah ohhh! good one! maybe you should work on your peer pressure lines

yeah everyone is dieing too. do you wanna die son?!

you’re everyone has to meet my everyone

wow! who do YOU hang out with?

hey you got something on your forehead (you brush it off) dang! it won’t

come off

what is it?

oh its the big L that stands for LOSER!!

prove it.

well there is no 'I' in everyone.

if i told you that your were retarded would you hold it against me?

(one of my quotes) Why is it that on the weekends we seek to make ourselves

stupider than we actually are and on the weekdays, pretend we are smarter than we

actually are?

Everyone??? I have to seriously tell the people at my church to stop then!

yeah i know. i don’t like to conform to society though…i’m a “think out of

the box” person. but that’s great for…you know…you

haha yeah i know this one time my friend got all stoned with his buddies at

the park. then he drove

off a cliff…it was awesome!!!

dude….that shits illegal

death by stupidity. that’s some idea you got there.

YOU WANNA GET DRUNK DUDE?!!

No, it takes the edge off of my game.

Isn’t that illegal?

Maybe in ______ years (until you turn 21)

Only once a week…at communion

No I’m the Designated Driver….for life

No but I’ll watch you!

No man, come on! There are sober people in Africa.

No I’m a really violent drunk…just kidding…but not really.

I don’t wanna be part of the death count.

DO YOU WANT A CANCER STICK (CIG) DUDE?

Does it come with Luekemia?

You’ve already said too much

Does it come with ______ treatment?

I don’t smoke anything that doesn’t list the guarantee on the box.

What’s the guarantee?

Death.

Maybe if I was drunk…but i don’t drink.

No thanks. but i might like to go drink some amonia and eat rat poison!

No thanks. The chicks don’t dig the whole “face looks like a leather bag

beaten with a bat thing”

No thanks. I try not to do anything that stimulates early death.

Hey man you want some?

Sorry I can’t afford it.

you don’t have the money?

no, the brain cells.

No, I feel really uncomfortable taking something that was made in a strangers bathtub.

(whip out unlabeled ibprofen) Yeah here I’ll trade you! I just made these in

my bathtub!

No man, i only do consonants. (not vowels…GET IT DAD!)

Do you always walk around with that sign.

what sign?

the one that tells everyone you’re a faggot (blatant and to the point but

I like it)

is it true that you feel so good that even if anyone touches you it feels

amazing? yeah dude, i ain’t

down with gays.

which way do you usually take it?

orally.

Damn! I was thinking just up the poop shoot but if you let guys do that your

just sick!

man you better check yourself before you wreck yourself!

haha you take that your kid is going to have a third ear or something.

(talking about the little pictures on the pills- dolphins, animals, etc.) so

this is what you’re kid is going

to look like if you take this?

DO YOU WANNA HAVE SEX?

No, I feel really uncomfortable reproducing myself. (add – especially at THIS

stage in life)

No, I don’t want a phone call in nine months.

No, I don’t want to know you in nine months.

You have a rubber?

yes.

YOU WHORE!

I’ve always been accident prone but this would be one for the books.

Do you want to be a mother? BECAUSE I WILL IMPREGNATE YOU!

No, I believe in artificial insemination.

I’m sorry I have a low sperm count right now…maybe after we’re married?

I’ll take a raincheck

S.E.X. Stupid Excuse for a Baby

You’re drunk

I just had the birds and the bees talk last week so I don’tt know if im

ready.

You just went down a notch in my book. That would be notch -1.

I knew you were too good to be true…slut.

No thanks, I like you for your personality!

Go shower up, brush your teeth, and put on some perfume and I’ll think about

it.

Yeah sure but not with you!

No I’m trying to end the family history of accidents while drunk (or sober).

You disgust me!!

Well do you want me to think of you as a piece of meat? or a person? on

second thought you

already dropped to the meat category.

Only if my parents are allowed to watch! they’ll be so proud!

Do you have herpies?

no.

Clamitia?

no.

Gonorhea?

no.

Genital warts?

no.

I’m sorry, i have too many bad mental images going on to go anywhere NEAR

that area.

Hahah this will be my second kid!

I’m still waiting 4 months to find out if I’m a daddy yet.

haha YOU WISH!

No but it sounds like you get around

What is it with chicks and dicks?

I don’t know dad here are a few ones. I also enlisted the help of Ben so he

should be giving me some soon. Let’s hit 1000 baby!!

talk to you later homie

sincerely,

drew